Antonija, As it approaches five years since you passed, I often think of the time we spent exploring Zagreb together, for which I’m very grateful. Perhaps I’ll go back one day, and remember you there. It’s a shame that things didn’t work out differently for you, and I pray that God has granted you peace.

R .I. P. Nikad neceš biti zaboravljena, nikad.

Rip Antonija. One of the best people I ever met. This is horrible news. You'll forever be in my thoughts and prayers.

Picano

Oh, Antonija. The last time I spoke to you, I was holding a revolver in my mouth and threatening to pull the trigger. 28 April, 2018. So many times I wanted to get in touch with you again, but I never knew what I should say. Fact of the matter was, there was little left worth saying. I loved you then, Antonija. I admired your intellect, I was amused by your wit, I was left absolutely speechless by your convictions and the strength of your character. I still love you. You were the only woman, and possibly the only human being, that I ever truly loved. There have been others since then, and I have always aspired to do right by them, but I fear that you will forever haunt me. When you told me that we were never going to happen, you broke my heart and you very nearly broke my brain. I don't think the rejection hurt quite as much as knowing full well that you made the right decision. But you made the wrong decision here. You shouldn't be dead. I should be dead, the people who drove you to despair should be dead, those who control and uphold the rotten System we both have to live in should be dead, but not you. I told you once before that you could have done great things in life if you could just build a new life away from them, but that matters little now I suppose. I will remember you for as long as I live, Antonija. I will pray every day for your soul, and I earnestly hope that we meet again in the life to come. Sleep for now, dear friend. Tomorrow belongs to you.

UTJEHA Sve naše slutnje povampirene i gorke traže tuđu otrovanu dušu. Nema izlaza u sumoru dana kad lete crne, gladne ptice iznad krvavih ljudskih glava. Draga moja hrvatska tuga, moja dobra mati. Davno sam prebolio mrtve djevojke i nerođenu djecu u cijevima kanala. Kad čuješ da me nema, ne zaboravi da sam te volio više od života. Lažu koji kažu da je tako moralo biti. Jesen će proći, brzo će umrijeti mladost. Vjetar i suho lišće. Samo me žalostan žut mjesec prati na posljednjem putu. Da se mogu vratiti! Htio bih biti riba u hladnim planinskim vodama. Žalosna idila. Ili ptica sa zlatnim kljunom u rosnom jutarnjem lišću. Prolaze godine, život tužan i siv. Crne, ružne slutnje kljuju u srcu koje se zebući steže. Ne mogu nikome reći. Živeći patimo i pateći živimo. Sivimo.

Farewell Antonija. Let your beautiful sole rest in peace

Jones

Neka ti je laka crna zemlja Antonija,